


Don't be a Drag Just be a Queen

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Series: Hot Singles in your Area Au [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Drag, M/M, Modern AU, hot singles verse, uncomfortable dick talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:16:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Luffy continues to be unstoppable and we're all going down with him





	1. Chapter 1

Of all the places in this shitty town to go, this one shitty little gay bar had to be the one that Luffy picked to go to. People knew him there. They arguably might’ve even known him too well. They held in their hands a secret that could potentially make him a source of ridicule among his friends. Being bi was one thing, but this was something completely different. 

“So why the hell are we at this dump?” He asked, as Luffy continued on regardless of how many gazes Sanji tried to avoid while they were walking into the bar. Luckily there wasn’t any on going drama with him and any of the queens (unless you counted the ongoing hell that was his dad dating his drag mom), so he could trust them to keep their mouths shut. 

“Cause I want us to be drag queens for the night.” Luffy said, as if that were the most normal thing anyone could ever say. 

“Wait wait wait wait. So you want us to dress up like women for the night?” Usopp asked, quickening his pace to catch up to Luffy, who was looking around trying to find someone.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be pretty as hell tonight.” Luffy hopped a little so his tiny twink ass could see over the local bears and towering queens. “We just need to find my ancle cause she’s hooking us up.” 

As if this birthday trip wasn’t bad enough for them, they also had to decipher Luffy code because none of them had a fucking clue what he meant by ankle. They all looked at each other in hopes that one of them remotely knew what or who that was. 

They didn’t even have to ask because in no time he was scaling up Franky, who was the least frail looking tall person of them. At this point it was basically part for the course Luffy behaviour, because no one must’ve told him how to act ever in his life despite having more parents than anyone who has ever or will ever live.

“Found her! Follow that crowned afro!” He beamed, and a knot started forming in Sanji’s stomach because he knew exactly who that was. There were only two people in this town who had afros and crowns. Brook was already with them, so that left one person. 

There was barely any time to process the dread before Luffy had jumped off Franky and started darting in and out of crowds of people. They were going to have to get him a child leash or something because this was how almost every trip out with him was. He was fucking impossible to deal with. 

They had almost missed him, because he had stopped on his stampede to the dreaded crowned afro. Another unfortunate soul was going to be claimed by Luffy tonight. 

“Traffy come be drag queens with us tonight!” Luffy demanded, as he had a firm grasp on the poor doctor to be who was probably enjoying some of his free time on his day off from residency. 

“No, fuck off.” Luffy didn’t seem to be too pleased with that answer, but before he could say anything, his bear friend opened his mouth. 

“But Law, you could get free drinks.” He said before his other friends started chanting “Do it”. Everyone that came with them but him and Zoro started chanting with them. Poor bastard looked like he wanted to die. Sanji was right there with him. 

They shared a pained look as they both knew there was no way around this. This was their fate, because they both knew that there was no stopping Luffy once his mind was made up. 

“Fine. But I’m only in this for free drinks.” Luffy’s face lit up, and then he took off into the crowd after his ankle again. Still no information on why ankle was what he was calling her. She had two names, neither of which were anything close to ankle. 

They finally caught up to them, and Sanji already knew in that this was going to end badly. Everything was going to come out tonight, and it was going to suck so hard for him. Luffy was there filling her in on what they were going to do tonight as the rest of them all caught up. 

“Ah, so you little candies want to be made beautiful, huh?” Iva asked, Sanji desperately not making eye contact with any of them. 

“Well. Luffy wanted this for his birthday present, so there’s not much we can do about this.” Brook said, Luffy grinning unapologetically. 

“Yeah! It’s gonna be so much fun! I even have names for all of us!” Oh no… If Luffy knew Iva, this could very well be the end. Luffy definitely already knows about this, and was going to tell everyone. Everyone was also braced for this, because this could really only end badly for them. Luffy names were hit or miss at best.

“Okay! So Chopper’s gonna be Amber Alert. Usopp’s Dixie Normous. Brook is Debra Credit. Zoro’s Roxanne Debris. Franky is Lisa Newcar. Law’s Ivy Drip. Sanji is-” -Sanji braced himself for Cerise Liqueur.- “-Tasha Salad. And I’m Sarah Problem.” 

Everyone mulled over their new names. Sanji felt like some sort of other worldly power had spared him right then and there. Tasha Salad was stupid, but it was stupid and not his name. He could’ve been obliterated on the spot because Sanji had a feeling that he already knew. He had the power to kill him then and there but he must’ve been spared by a brain fart or something. 

“So what do you think?” 

“I think Lisa Newcar might be my name in real life now. I think I’m changing my name.” Franky said, having honestly maybe the best drag name Sanji had ever heard, and he was in the business for four years now.

“You’re putting a lot of pressure on me with my name, and I don’t even get yours.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen a lot in my time and you definitely fit the bill. And mine’s easy.” Luffy dramatically turned and looked over his shoulder, already loving this drag queen stuff. “Sarah Problem.”

There certainly was, and that was that they still had to go through with this. Usopp look mortified, but he didn’t even know what the worst part about this was going to be. That poor sweet summer child was going to lose it. 

“All right my newest little candies, lets get you primped and fluffed.”

He’d follow them into the back room. If Luffy wanted him to be a queen, then it was time to show his colours as a queen, and put on a show. If he was going to do baby drag, then honey he was going to baby drag it up.


	2. Chapter 2

Back stage was usually such a welcoming place. It smelled of hair spray, foundation, and alcohol. But now it smelled like being in the stage unpainted, undressed, and untucked. Tonight he wasn’t a queen, but a painted up man in a wig. But he was going to put on a show and get out of this without getting caught.

Luffy was the first to jump at the makeup. The door had barely opened up and he was basically bowling over the queens waiting to help them out with it. The queens in waiting all giggled over his enthusiasm.

“Oh, this little cutie’s putting the cart before the horse.” Caroline giggled. “Honey you still have to get dressed before we worry about doing your make up.”

There was a little bit of a pout as Luffy relinquished the fist full of assorted foundations and contour he had grabbed. “But that looks like the most fun part of getting ready.”

“Don’t worry, we’re going to make you a star.” Caroline gave him an encouraging pat on the back. Luffy was going to give her a hell of a time and he almost felt bad about not giving her a heads up about Luffy. But this was his birthday, so everyone that wasn’t him was going to suffer with all of them.

“Alright ladies. It’s time for me to show you how to get everything all tucked up. We’ll get you all padded and cute after, but you’ve got to do your own tucks.” Iva clapped, walking over to the wall of dresses.

She picked up Richard, the anatomically correct blow up boyfriend, and grabbed him by the junk. “First you need to tuck these right back up where they came from.” There were some squirming as they watched her pop his balls back into his pelvic cavity. “Then you just slide this back and hold it with some duct tape.”

“Whoa hold on a second sister. I’m putting what on my what?” Franky said, understandably freaked out about this. He should’ve known that this was going to be rough. Drag queens didn’t have dicks, so how could it not be absolutely awful.

“Beauty is pain, Lisa dear.” Iva said, and they looked between each other, mildly mortified. Sanji was worried that he was going to have to be the first one to come forward to do this. If things went on for too long, the queens that knew him might call on him, not picking up that he was trying to hide who he was while his friends were all here. But Luffy took the bullet for all of them, by tearing off his pants and tossing them aside.

“Jewels are stored in the chest right?” Luffy went right for it, yelling like he was powering up in some sort of cartoon.

“Sarah, you do know that we do have dividers for you to get ready behind, right? And your junk doesn’t get tucked that deep for this!” Caroline said, obviously new to Luffy. Because Luffy didn’t didn’t do anything to a reasonable degree, and didn’t care who saw his dick, and Sanji was sure he was more familiar with Luffy than he was Zoro’s and possibly he own.

“I don’t care give me tape!” Luffy yelled, his voice sounding maybe a little higher than it normally did.

The new challenge was not laughing as the other queens had to figure out how to deal with and get around Luffyisms. He’d head back behind one the dividers and popped his stuff into place like he did a thousand times before. He’d wait a few seconds before waddling out with the rest of them. It was a feeling he was used to, but he’d play pretend for the sake of the facade.

Amanda leaned over to him before heading over to Zoro to get him nice and padded up. “I don’t think you’ve been telling us the truth. You top him?”

“Why do you sound surprised, you think I have better standards or something?” Sanji snorted.

“No but I am surprised that a twink like you’s topping a hunk like that.”

“Really? You’re going to say shit like that to me? And in front of my salad?” Sanji spoke up, gesturing to Zoro’s vibrant green pubes and causing two queens and Luffy, Brook, and Franky to loose their collective shits.

“First of all, what the hell are you talking about. And second: Don’t call my dick salad.” Okay now basically everyone in the room who didn’t laugh before (Zoro excluded) was losing their shit. Even Law seemed to be snickering a little even if he did try to pretend like he was too cool to laugh at a dick joke. Zoro let his head fall backwards as he let out an embarrassed groan.

It took a lot for Sanji not to do his usual padding. If he did that he’d blow both his and Cerise’s cover, and he’d never hear the end of it. He’d go a little over the top. He’d be a big titty big ass woman. Maybe that was the kind of woman Tasha was. This was a character he hadn’t really gotten to know yet.

Looking around, it seemed like almost everyone was going with the “go big or go home” mentality. Law and Chopper were keeping it tasteful. And if he was being completely honest, Zoro had huge tits to begin with so even his breast efforts would be huge no matter what.

Once they were all padded up, they were whisked away to look at the dresses that they had to borrow. They weren’t fantastic dresses and you might want to get checked for crabs after putting them on, but they were certainly dresses. But Sanji realized that all his good Cerise dresses were at home, so he was going to have to wear one of the dresses here. He probably couldn’t have even worn those dresses without outing himself and having someone catch on to who he was.

He’d go back through the clothes to the ones that were his size, and slip on one of the neon green ones. This was a joke character, might as well pick the tackiest dresses there. Plus he was positive that it was plastic, so there was no way it was going to give him anything. Just hose it down after using it like everyone else did.

He’d look down the line at everyone else, and the only ones that looked kinda good, were Brook and Chopper. Everyone else kinda looked like a four year old picked out their clothes and he had to marvel at the fact that these were grown adults that mostly looked like real people in their everyday life. Franky was the exception, because he just looked like that.

He did his best to hold back his laughter as he watched most of them be escorted back into the dresses to pick out something nice. His tacky plastic dress wasn’t looking so tacky now, and that was kinda sad. Especially since this was him trying to do baby drag. Though he supposed there was a line between baby drag, and somehow being a bigger gay disaster than he was. It’d be impressive it weren’t so sad.

While that was being sorted out, it was time to go over to the make up table. It was a good thing they were going to do it in waves, because there was only so much make up there to go around. Sanji didn’t want to think about the communal make up. Cerise’s stuff was at home. And again, it was still off the table as not to out himself.

Though the charade was almost more short lived than it could’ve been, as without thinking, he started gluing down his eyebrows and beard. Brook and Chopper both stared at him as he did it, and the wheels turned in his head as he tried to figure out what the fuck their problem was. And then as he tried to think of a valid excuse once the pieces clicked.

“You guys don’t watch cute girls doing make up tutorials on youtube after a hard day’s work to unwind a bit?” He scoffed, because obviously that was why he did it.

But regardless of his reaction, they kept looking at him all full of awe. He just glued down his eye brows. It wasn’t some ground breaking shit.

“Can you do my make up?”

“And mine?”

Shit, the looks they were giving him were too powerful. Between Chopper’s baby face and Brook’s hopeful old man face, Sanji didn’t really have an option.

“Fine, but don’t expect anything great.”

They seemed thrilled, but hopefully the other queens would deal with the rest of them. He didn’t really do make up on anyone else but him and hopefully they were all going to find that out now and move on. The other queens could fix this for him later.


End file.
